Saturday, October 13, 2007

Well, There Goes My Meth Lab. What Am I Going to Do for Extra Cash Now?

If there's a list of "100 Great Things to Wake Up To", I'm sure your garage being on fire ranks pretty low. Like maybe at 98--right in front of your house being on fire and someone nailing a six-inch spike through your penis into a board. Ouch. There's an unpleasant thought. Could you imagine waking up to someone nailing a spike through your penis while your bedroom was on fire? Talk about a bad morning.

As you may have guessed, I've had an interesting week. I get out of the shower Thursday morning and there's a huge cloud of smoke happily sailing down my street. You know what they say about "where there's smoke?" Well, turns out the fire was in my garage. I run downstairs to see my neighbor in my driveway hosing down my garage with my garden hose. Best. Neighbor. Ever. Don't worry; we bought him two bottles of wine. We then let the professionals take over. Just look how efficient they are.

Yep, check em out just standing around. At least they got to make holes in my garage. And they got to use the fire hose!

You think that guy there with the hook is just looking for another place to damage something? I can't be too hard on the fellows, though. They DID extinguish the fire, after all. Not really sure how it all started, but almost all my students suggested arson. Perhaps I've overestimated the amount of good will I have in this school. Maybe they really hate me after all! But if that's the case, you think they'd burn down my house, not my garage.

Then again--teenagers aren't much known for their masterful criminal plans.

There's some substantial damage in there, but all things considered we were extraordinarily lucky. Check out the nifty inside view!

Nice, huh? Luckily, that which matters escaped the inferno unscathed:
Woot! Now I can still play Kan-Jam in my husk of a Meth Lab.

And that's not all, folks! Oh no, the excitement continued Friday with about 400+ students absent from the middle and high school. That's just about over a third of our entire student population. No, they weren't all out helping me "raise a garage" Amish-style. Although that would have been nice. Loads of kids stayed home because of "the threat of gang violence" at our school. Now, the school I work at is NOT one where "the threat of gang violence" and "our school" should be in the same sentence. But there it was. Nothing happened, and some kids stayed home just for the freebie day off, but I gotta say I was pretty damn proud of the kids that came in. It reminded me of the days right after September 11th, when the huge rumor about terrorists blowing up malls on October 31st started circulating. People stayed home! Me, BAMF that I am, actually went to the mall even though I didn't need to buy anything. I went because I firmly believe that the moment you give in to fear and begin to alter your life, the enemy has won. I love the fact that a lot of kids came to school, even if they were afraid and just put on a "tough" face, because it shows that they aren't about to have their lives dictated to them by hearsay and rumor. We didn't have any teachers out, either. Go us!

Really though, this whole situation would be a helluva lot better if people would just leave each other the fuck alone. The moment people stop exchanging insults and trying to one-up each other as to whose got the biggest dick (here's a hint, teenage boys: it's the one who lets shit that don't matter GO) life will most likely go back to normal. Yes, that's right boys and girls! I'm advocating a cease-fire!! It's pretty simple math here and it's been a staple of classroom management since the dawn of teaching: students that crave attention will try anything to get it. Ever hear the saying that "there's no such thing as bad press"? Same with attention--negative attention is STILL attention. Think about it; if there's some wa-hoo (yes, I wrote "wa-hoo") in a class who is constantly disruptive, and the teacher constantly stops class to deal with it, doesn't that kid continue to be a disruption? You betcha. If we ignore blatant, attention-seeking behavior, it *GASP* stops! Sheesh, I never thought I'd yearn for a return to exceedingly cliquey behavior when groups don't intermingle.

So, students of mine who anonymously blog-stalk me, I'm talking to you! Leave each other alone. Just let it go. Hang out with your friends. Be TEENAGERS, for chrissake. Have some fun before you gotta worry about a career and a mortgage and waking up to your garage being on fire!

Here endeth the lesson.


Melissa said...

I'm so glad you are as anal as you are, otherwise Kan Jam might not have been spared.

Anonymous said...

"So, students of mine who anonymously blog-stalk me, I'm talking to you!"pffft certainly a sentence I can relate to!

I give my sympathies for your burning garage. At least you still have a basketball net. Though like every other basketball net in the world it's probobly just for show, and not really used.

I too blog, and our blogs actually sound very similar about what happned at school friday. I was actually kind of disgusted at how many kids stayed home. I went to school and i did get hurt, but that was only becasue i ran full speed into my english techer's door on accident in front of the nine kids who actually showed up for class. Anyway, the point is that four hundred kids, or their parents, or both, let a rumor make them afarid and that's just silly. The entire thing upsets me, what pansies.


mineIsay said...

A threat of gang violence? really? wow. Did someone have notice of an impending attack? Did the school send out a memo? Are the bloods and crips organized enough to coordinate their attacks with the PTA? I'm very confused. So sorry about the fire in your garage, good thing all that harvested ethanol is in the backyard.
you always were the smart one.

Vatter said...

Sure, I'll leave other people alone. You, however, will continue to be e-harrassed by me, on the occasions that I deem it worthwhile.

I'm still not sure if this is one of those occasions.

English Teacher Extraordinaire said...

Thank GOD Vatter still Blog-Stalks me. I dunno what I'd do without him and his stealthy ways.

Hope all is well. :-)

honeykbee said...

I see that my warning has gone unheeded and you continue to give life lessons even after the destruction of your garage. Next time, I will consider your suggestion regarding the nail.

honeykbee said...

Sorry. That was harsh. I think I need another latte. Apologies.

ArieL said...

i most definaltly agree. The immaturity of some of my fellow students is disgusting, and i dont know how they go through their lives acting the way they do. but whatever. A cease-fire? yes, that's usually what i advocate for my friends who constantly argue over music.

Anonymous said...

Totally creepy stalking you, but you're totally lacking new entries! What's a girl to do?


andrew123 said...

I give my sympathies for your burning garage. At least you still have a basketball net. Though like every other basketball net in the world it's probobly just for show, and not really used.
Andrew William

Crystal Meth Addiction

Consuela said...

Well said.