Monday, September 17, 2007

Post Something Original? Me?

Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!! OK, now that I've managed to work in a quote from a David Lynch film, I can proceed to the actual content of this post. Whenever I feel like posting something and can't think of a topic, or I don't feel like posting something personal, I check good 'ole "mine". I just know she'll have something fun for me to steal. And she does!

So here it is, my list of career suggestions from www.careercruising.com...wait. Before I get into this list. Career Cruising? Cruising? Cruising is a phrase meaning, among the younger set, to "drive around and scope out possible developments". According to a Wikipedia citation, what differentiates "cruising" from "driving" is that cruising has no real destination; the object is to be seen by one's peers. Kind of like "Hey! Look at me! I'm in a car! I have a license! And no friends! Which why I'm driving around looking for people!" When I was younger, we used to refer to randomly driving around looking for people as STALKING, and avoided the tools with no life who couldn't pick up the damn phone and MAKE PLANS, thus eliminating the need for "cruising". But what do I know; I'm 32, which pretty much makes me a fucking fossil to these kids.

I'm really more concerned with the more traditional meaning of the word "cruising". This should be of special interest to my younger readers. "Cruising" is traditionally associated with trying to pick someone up for anonymous gay sex. You know those creepily respectable-looking middle-aged guys who hang out in the restrooms of public places? Probably cruising. Really. Ask any guy, when it comes to public restrooms, we're in, we do our business, we're out. Unless you're bumping up with some complete stranger--Alert! Alert! You may have a problem!
--the pisser is pretty much a "get in get out" ordeal.

So...Career Cruising...I don't think there's much money in cruising. Sure, you might find a Glory Hole or two....but a career? I'm thinkin' no.

Regardless, here's my list, with a few comments from yours truly:

1. Director of Photography
2. Set Designer
3. Costume Designer
4. Professor
5. Clergy (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
6. Family and Consumer Scientist
7. Music Teacher / Instructor
8. Foreign Language Instructor
9. ESL Teacher
10. Special Effects Technician
11. Desktop Publisher
12. Animator
13. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
14. Computer Trainer
15. Actor
16. Fashion Designer (They weren't kidding about cruising, huh?)
17. High School Teacher
18. Child and Youth Worker
19. Special Education Teacher
20. Elementary School Teacher (How long ya think I would last? 3 days?)
21. Director
22. Teacher Assistant
23. Chef
24. Anthropologist
25. Early Childhood Educator
26. Social Worker
27. Recording Engineer
28. Addictions Counselor (These would be interesting conversations...)
29. School Counselor
30. Graphic Designer
31. Comedian
32. Artist
33. Musician
34. Critic
35. Casting Director
36. Computer Animator
37. Activist (Huh? They pay these people?)
38. Writer
39. Print Journalist
40. Website Designer

Apparently, I missed the boat, as I should have pursued a career in film. Oh well.


3 comments:

mineIsay said...

At least your actual profession is on your list! Mine is nothing but assistant.
Me? Assistant?!
Oh, and in case I ever want to be in charge of something, there's always my #1 calling in life: midwife.

Though, nothing on my list is quite as funny as you being recommended for the clergy.

Anonymous said...

gallo i take offense to this. i cruise okay? not afraid to admit it. i know, i dont have friends! and seriously have nothing better to do at this point! haha

-drug induced love-child

honeykbee said...

It's not too late! You could easily begin your reign in film at any moment! In fact, I might have a few of our amateur videos around here to kick things off...