Saturday, June 30, 2007

Men are From Mars, Women are Bitches

OK, maybe that title's a little harsh. I can't even claim credit for it; I stole it from another guy's website. But I've decided to post about some of the, well, differences that make men and woman so, at times, incompatible.

All right. Differences my ass. Here's the real deal:

Things Women Do That Men Hate, Volume I:

One of the main sources of friction between woman and men is that men, generally (note the use of this word, ladies! It means I'm not making a broad, sweeping statement of fact!), mean what they say. Let's take this conversation, a permutation of which probably occurs at least once a week in any long-term relationship...

Her: "Honey, I'm thinking of getting Tommy and Lisa a 10" fry-pan for a shower gift."

Him: "Sounds great. Go ahead and do it."

Her: "It's on their registry too."

Him: "Can't go wrong with a gift from the registry. Pick it up whenever."

Her: "Yeah, and Lisa loves to cook eggs in the morning. And maybe she can use it to make crepes or some of those caramelized onions Tommy likes to put on his burgers."

Him, becoming perturbed: "Hon, I said go ahead and get it. Sounds like a good gift."

Her, blathering on: "I mean, a fry-pan is so versatile. I don't think any kitchen should be without one."

Him, wondering to himself "Why the fuck is she still blathering on?", decides silence may be the best course of action.

Her, giggling at her own stroke of wit: "Oh! And if they get into a fight she can hit him with it!"

Him, in desperation: "JUST GO AND BUY THE FUCKING THING!"

Her: "God. You don't have to yell. I was just asking your opinion..."

You see what's going on here? She asked a question. He answered. Why is she still talking? If the man needed any more information or justification to answer the fecking question HE WOULD HAD ASKED FOR IT. So, ladies. When a man says "Sure, honey", leave him the fuck alone. He probably means it.


Does anyone else's ladyfriend hate eating something if they've had it in the last, oh, 96 hours? If you had grilled chicken on Monday, don't even think of suggesting it again until Saturday at the earliest. What happens in the meantime? Your fridge fills with leftovers. That you don't eat. And eventually throw away. What if we used this logic on women?

Her: "Baby, I want you."

Him: "What, sex? With you? Didn't I fuck you last night? I need something new. I'm going to go pick up some drunken twenty-something."

Yeah. Something tells me that wouldn't go over to well.

This could go on for decades, but I should probably do something with my day. Maybe I'll come back to this in the future. If I'm not in jail for murdering my wife.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sweetie, just because she was still talking about the pan doesn't necessarily mean she didn't believe what you told her and was trying to convince you. She might just have been talking about the pan.

Really. I promise.

:* LEM

mineIsay said...

*sigh* Oh, the differences go on and on, I know. I'm not even sure this is a male/female issue, just people in general have different tendencies. I've been told i'm too much like a boy with my responses, that my SO needed encouragement when I offered a solution instead. Come to think of it, I think I got that from you :)

If it's any consolation at all, you are still my pillar of logic and strength. Stay strong, wordsmith.

Anonymous said...

The pan really was nice.