Tuesday, April 19, 2005

It's so damn satisfying

To catch a kid who plagiarizes. It's really mind-boggling why they do it in the first place. Does a 9th grader (or, God forbid, upperclassman) actually think their teacher is stupid enough not to catch them? Wait..with some of the people I've worked with that may be true. Let me rephrase. Do these twits actually think I'M that stupid? Like they're a 70-ish writer for the school year, then the research paper rolls around and all of a sudden they're William fucking Saffire. What were they doing all year? Biding their time? Waiting for an assignment that challenged them as an intellectual? There they are, cruising the Internet, ostensibly to do some "research" but really to see if they can score those paparazzi pics of Lindsey Lohan falling out of her tank-top. Do they stumble across that post-grad essay and think to themselves:

Self-I need a good grade this marking quarter. If I rock the research paper, that'll make him give me, like, a 90-something! Yeah! I'll exude (substitute some 4th grade vocab word for exude, since this is the inner-monologue of someone three steps up from Lucy on the Darwinian ladder) confidence and intelligence, and women will want me! Yes! I AM A GLEAMING GOD!! I CAN FINALLY GET LAID (since we know coitus is the goal of any self-respecting high school male)!!

So the 70 student hands in a research paper that reads as such:

"Andy Warhol once said, 'They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.' " -Right. Unless Andy Warhol is someone who wrote a manual on how to set your pubic hairs on fire with a magnifying glass, I think he's beyond the intellectual grasp of many 9th graders.

"Shakespeare’s delivery of the timeless tale of desperate love in his classic Romeo and Juliet proves to only intensify through retelling and modern interpretation" -Shakespeare wrote R&J? I thought Leonardo DiCaprio did...

"In 1949, choreographer Jerome Robbins decided to retell Brooke and Shakespeare’s romantic tragedy using song and dance, elements of racism and nationalism, and a modern vernacular"
-Yep. modern vernacular. Looooove that modern vernacular.

It goes on and on. Not to say there aren't smart 9th graders; hell, I've had 9th graders smarter than I am. But why is it that they think they can suddenly write this astonishing piece of prose and have teachers just accept it as theirs?

Best part is when they lie about it when you catch them. AND show them the source document. "No no! I didn't copy it! We just had the same ideas!! And words! And syntax..."

Ugh. So remember kids, if you want to have someone else write your paper for you, try this:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail64.html

I need a scotch.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You amuse me, Gallo. Reminds me of the many speeches you gave to my class whilst we were in the ninth grade.

Oh, and speaking of research papers, the one Chasteen is making us do makes me want to slaughter small furry mammals.

-Vatter

P.S. Yes, I know that all mammals are furry in some way, which is what makes them mammals. You're an English teacher, not a Bio teacher.

Anonymous said...

haha on your poor students...they must feel really dumb now...too bad for their ego's.

Anonymous said...

uh yeah that last one was me i forgot to sign

R.H.